first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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