he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
