I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
