I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize