dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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