If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
he thought i was a dude.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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