how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
