I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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