he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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