Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
