Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
