i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
