Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
