Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize