I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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