Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I understand Curling. That high.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
