hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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