You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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