She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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