Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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