And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
