did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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