Are we in a gay sports bar?
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
