and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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