What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
