Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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