i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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