Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
