why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
