what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
