So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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