Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
