This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
