I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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