She said her name was "party"
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
