After last night, I could never be a politician.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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