Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Success! We fucked roommates!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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