I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
