That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
