Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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