Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize