If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
