I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
