Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
