we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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