I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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