just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
