Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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