I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
