I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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