sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
