she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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