Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
