1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
