my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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