so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
