She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
