Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
