What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
