I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
