...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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