I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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