I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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