He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
