I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
