when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize